MMNN Investigative Report – July 20, 2025
A bizarre case has captivated the Republic of Mokele Mbembe: a pixelated booty, once floating proudly in the skies, is now gone without a trace. What began as crude sky graffiti has escalated into a full-blown investigation, complete with forensic logs, accusations, and one humble demand: a named piece of dirt.
Where Did the Butt Go?
The disappearance has ignited speculation and drama. Some are calling for justice. Others, relief.
Newt was the first to notice and ask about the disappearance. Rabbi advised, “You should open an investigation. The Chief Justices need something to do.”
His call was immediately answered. Chief Justice Mr. Pibb, Esq.—known for his swift but often dramatic verdicts—reportedly agreed without hesitation. “This is exactly the kind of judicial chaos I live for,” he said, brandishing a gavel carved from dark oak and lava buckets.
The Investigation Heats Up
Chief Justice Mr. Pibb, Esq. promptly launched what he called a “kangaroo court inquiry.” Drawing from server logs, player login times, and an initial statement by EverTrue, who claimed to have last seen the graffiti earlier that evening, Mr. Pibb narrowed the suspects to:
- Rabbi, who logged in for just 10 minutes
- Anakin, who briefly connected due to IP issues
- Newt, who was online at 9:40 p.m.—the last confirmed window before the butt vanished
Meanwhile, Chopper, Warthog, and Simcor had solid alibis, busy working on the Green Bastard Zoo. EverTrue, however, later revised her statement, admitting she couldn’t recall exactly when she last saw that particular butt that was missing. Strangely, she was never listed as a suspect.
A Thunderbolt Twist?
Witness Chopper recalled seeing “3 or 4 blocks flying” near the site and proposed lightning might have struck the art. But Slime confirmed the sculpture was made of terracotta and wool, and only two black wool blocks remain. Fire damage is unlikely—the terracotta would have survived.
So someone, somewhere, deliberately chipped away at the cheeks.
The Victim Speaks: “I Want My Dirt”
After days of speculation, the artist behind the infamous graffiti art, Slime (aka Tony Tony), has stepped forward—not with vengeance, but with a request:
“All I want is a piece of dirt named Booty Killer. The culprit should lose 1 XP level. That’s justice.”
Slime isn’t mad. Just disappointed.
“If they had asked to take it down, I wouldn’t have cared. But to silently erase someone else’s build? That’s not right.”
Courtroom Chaos: DaveGuy in the Hot Seat?
Veteran DaveGuy added fuel to the fire:
“Good riddance,” he said. “I was gonna add censor bars anyway.”
Later, he joked about turning the case into a Waco-style siege, dropped hints, and eventually offered to deliver the named dirt to Slime personally—sparking a wave of accusations.
“Did you just admit to it?” asked Slime.
“Nope,” Dave replied. “But I have plenty of dirt. Thought you’d already decided it was me.”
Chief Pibb responded with a resounding:
“Dave did it. Case closed.”
Was he joking? Was it real? In the Republic of Mokele Mbembe, it’s never entirely clear.
A Question of Justice
At the heart of it all is a community divided. Some called the sky butt an eyesore, others called it art. Some want vengeance; others just want to move on. But Slime’s point remains:
“It doesn’t matter what was destroyed—it matters that it was done without asking.”
BREAKING UPDATE – “Ass Destroyer” Unmasked in Stunning Confession
In a twist that rocked the sky-graffiti community and brought a days-long investigation to an end, Rabbi has stepped forward with a bold, public confession:
“I have a confession. I am the Ass Destroyer.”
The announcement was made during open court proceedings on Discord, where Rabbi not only admitted guilt but also requested a formal sentence—to support his budding rap career.
“Do I get a last meal or anything?” he asked.
Chief Justice Mr. Pibb, Esq., still new to the bench, admitted this was his first major case and turned to veteran Sentinel Hirscivina for guidance.
Sentinel Hirscivina laid it out clearly:
“If we’ve got an admission of guilt and Tony Tony wants to press charges, you pretty much just go to sentencing.”
Slime reiterated his request for 1 dirt block named “Booty Slayer” and tacked on the request for Rabbi’s name to be changed to “Rabbi the Booty Slayer” for one week.
Chief Justice Pibb approved the terms, ruling:
“I find these terms acceptable. @Admin, please change Rabbi’s name, and @Rabbi the Booty Slayer, you have 48 hours to deliver the dirt.”
The Verdict
In the case of The Republic vs. Rabbi the Booty Slayer, the defendant pled guilty to one count of minor griefing. Sentencing was carried out swiftly, and the record has been entered into the official court logs by Sentinel Hirsc.
The case is now closed.
As for Rabbi the Booty Slayer, sources say his mixtape is already in development. Whether the Republic is ready for it… remains to be seen.
